No Something. No Another Thing. No Something Else.

The Real Big Dummies Guide to Leaving The Bathroom – Part 2 – Where?

Posted by BigDummyKenny on March 7, 2010

I got everything I need right here with me. I got air in my lungs, a few blank sheets of paper. I love waking up in the morning not knowing what’s gonna happen or, who I’m gonna meet, where I’m gonna wind up. – Jack Dawson from the movie Titanic

Once you’ve decided to leave The Bathroom, the first decision is where to go.

Lets start out by eliminating a couple of possibilities.

First off the list is The Garage.

The Garage isn’t really a destination in itself. It’s more of a transfer point or transportation terminal. Think of the Ekkamai Bus terminal but on a much smaller scale and you get the picture. Often smelling of motor oil and exhaust fumes it’s the place no one wants to spend a lot of time.

Most the girls you run into in The Garage are just there for a very short period of time for transferring from one mode of transportation to another and have a tight schedule to keep. Meeting and hooking up with someone is the last thing on their mind.

The few girls that do hang out there are usually bottom of the barrel diesel dykes with dirt under their fingernails, rotting teeth and have breath like old fish and som tam. Only the fattest of the fat or sloppiest of slobs would go for a girl who hangs out in The Garage.

Listen to BigDummy! There are much better places to spend your time if you are looking to push the envelope. Unless you’re into diesel dykes or a mechanic, stay out of The Garage!

Second off the list is The Closet.

The Closet is just too small. There is only one small nightlight and the rest is a wasteland of old athletic equipment, old clothes and smelly shoes – a couple of friendly old magazines and some low grade blankets, and that’s all there is. There just isn’t anything all that interesting to do in the closet and if there was then you’d probably take it out to The Living Room anyway.

Third off the list is The Basement.

If you are in the area, The Basement is fine, but if your sojourn originates in The Bathroom then The Basement is waaaay out of the way — at least an 8-10 second walk during which you will walk by rooms that are just as good and closer. The Basement frequently resembles The Thermae, complete with 20 year old furniture, a television that doesn’t work half the time and a sound system from the 1980 complete with an 8-track tape player. Worn out tile, old light fixtures and the mixed smell of musty mildew and cigarettes and you begin to get the picture. At least for me, The Basement is no substitute for The Bathroom.

Fourth off the list is The Dining Room
Going to The Dining Room is great for consuming some fresh produce it quickly becomes old after a few times and just like The Bathroom, you soon look for farther out locations which haven’t been spoiled by tourists.

Although The Dining Room is fairly distant from The Bathroom, you’re still just a stones throw away from it. Another problem with The Dining Room is it’s a one trick location with limited options. It’s just too sterile and anyone who frequently gets out of The Bathroom knows that The Dining Room quickly becomes old and monotonous. Go into one Dining Room and you’ve been in them all. You will not find anything resembling a karaoke, massage or g-club in The Dining Room.

In a few dining rooms you may be lucky enough to find a bowl with a nice selection of fresh produce, so it may be worth stopping by, but only if you should be in the area.

Fifth off the list is The Bedroom
Many guys think the best alternative to The Bathroom is The Bedroom. In actuality, nothing could be further from the truth. Although most guys think about going into The Bedroom immediately after getting out of The Bathroom, it’s proximity to The Bathroom assures you that you’ll see the same girls that you’ve banged silly for the bazillionth time. In most of The Bedrooms you’ll quickly realize that you are in fact so close to The Bathroom you feel that you never really left The Bathroom. Sure, The Bedroom is ideally situated for taking almost any girl you pick up, be it a quick pop with a shop girl in the middle of the day or any gogo girl ST or LT arrangement, you’re really not pushing the envelope in The Bedroom.

The problem with The Bedroom today is it’s morphed into this multi-purpose destination; a computer with work desk, television or entertainment system, closets, the list goes on and on. Although you can do many things in The Bedroom, it’s not the specialty room it once was and has lost much of it’s charm and appeal. The other problem with The Bedroom is you don’t know it’s history. Who wants to be the bazillionth guy taking the same girls who’ve been taken the bazillionth time into the same Bedroom? Not me! For many guys The Bedroom is fine, but if you are looking to push the envelope, cross The Bedroom off your list.

This leaves The Maid’s Room, The Study and The Living Room to explore – each of which has their advantages and disadvantages.

The Maid’s Room is The Bathroom light

A miniature replica of The Bathroom replete with virtually the same portfolio of amenities albeit less numerous, with an Issan country twist. It’s largely free of the influence of Big Whitey. The Maid’s Room may even have a big fishbowl. If your maid has many Issan friends it may also resemble a low grade full service massage joint or karaoke club on many nights.

The Maid’s Room may be the closest suitable room as an alternative to The Bathroom — this is especially true if The Kitchen and The Living Room is in a high traffic area. It’s farther than The Bedroom but an overnighter or a weekend in The Maid’s Room is very doable depending upon the size of the room and the availability of a maid.

More importantly for the newbie, with the constant flow of the maid’s Issan friends you can be guaranteed to get laid everyday in The Maid’s Room — if that is important to you.

Even the biggest fattest sloppiest troll and/or the laziest drunken slob can get laid any night in The Maid’s Room —- if its important to him.

Leaving The Bathroom is not about just doing the same thing for less money. It is about getting away from the whole “harpooning the whale” mentality of Bathroom Girls. It is about finding some real female companionship where you don’t have to worry about what is Behind the Facial Mask. It is about banging girls where there are real emotions and real feelings in play. It’s not about about finding The Maid’s Room or a Garage version of the Nana parking lot. It’s not about just doing the same Bathroom thing in a different location—-that is what The Bedroom is for. But if it’s paramount that you get laid every night while you are searching for the out of The Bedroom Experience, The Maid’s Room is your place.

The Living Room is the swiss army knife of rooms.

Many people see The Living Room is a fine alternative to The Bathroom. I agree with them.

The Living Room is usually well apportioned with nice couches, a wet bar and a top notch entertainment system. The Living Room is for living and is versatile in that you can take almost any girl into a well appointed Living Room and the girl will be appreciative. The greenest of green fresh produce to the seasoned gogo girl; from a cute little shop girl to your nose up in the air, “I never take a moto-cy or BTS” 500 baht cover paying hi-so rich girl, The Living Room is a place that all girls will feel comfortable. Here, you really can stretch the envelope with the abundance of furnishings, space and fresh air.

A massive entertainment system and a full wet bar will work wonders in convincing even the shyest of shy girls into losing her inhibitions in The Living Room. If you’re going into a Living Room, don’t take shortcuts and settle on one with bottom shelf alcohol or middle of the road entertainment. The secret to a memorable Living Room experience is to push the envelope and not take the Cheap Charlie approach. Once the girl sees that you’re serious about pushing the envelope her clothes will seem to fall right off her without any effort whatsoever.

A long, large overstuffed couch, chairs and an over sized coffee table provides the crowning touches and offers great potential to for a variety of positions that would make Mallanāga Vātsyāyana, Irina Kazakova and Nadya Vasina proud (don’t ask, google and click).

Who hasn’t heard the stories of waking up the next morning and seeing clothes strewn all over The Living Room floor, TV and chairs? There is no urban legend at work here and I can personally vouch to the power of The Living Room.

The Study Room has a university feel to it.

Instead of the normal bottom of the barrel, uneducated, unsophisticated, unworldly, Issan farm girls, The Study can be leveraged to draw (lure) thousands of Thai girls from middle class families throughout Thailand. NAY! From throughout the World! Most are normal girls living modestly on family provided money on the cusp of their lives. They are normal girls where a chance encounter can push them onto “the path less traveled by” as Robert Frost describes it. Most have not targeted Big Whitey as their personal salvation and hooking up with Big Whitey has never been part of their dreams and fantasies, but if a quality fabric wearing, polite, well spoken, 3 ring binder, business briefcase, computer and Mont Blanc carrying opportunity presented itself they would be open minded enough to venture where fate might lead and curious enough to experience first hand what for them is an urban legend and the equivalent of an alien from an alternative universe. If fate dropped a nice foreign dude into their lives, they would pop a cap in that ass and spend every minute with you in The Study.

In The Study Room there are only a couple of “guaranteed to get laid” locations; the six way adjusting business chair or the reading desk. Even so, The Study is where real university girls who at least by Thai standards dream of becoming educated (nod-nod), more wordly (wink-wink) and more importantly not raised and targeted by their families to bullseye a big farang bank account and provide financial salvation for the family.

The Study still has enough activities for you to engage in every night, get a buzz on from the mini-fridge booze stash, watch the latest dance moves on the computer, and arrange rendezvous with Thai girls from the various dating sites who not only enjoy The Study Room, but will venture further out into the world and experience other rooms with you. The simple fact is having just a single book here is what makes The Study Room so different from The Maid’s Room. The Study Room can be an anthill crawling with bona fide Thai uni girls whom you can make a connection with if you stalk them long enough (without creeping them out).

If you’re a cheap Charlie troll then The Study is not for you. The prototypical fat farang slob (the ones pictured on Stickman) will be wasting their time in The Study Room. But if you are looking to get away to a farang free zone, are physically presentable, with a modicum of social skills, The Study Room is the number one choice for Leaving The Bathroom.

The Maid’s Room, The Living Room or The Study?

You make the call.

Coming in Part 3 – How To Get There.



4 Responses to “The Real Big Dummies Guide to Leaving The Bathroom – Part 2 – Where?”

  1. RealDaffyDuck said

    Professor G-Monkey, in the garage, with a Nikon 300D.

  2. Shitstorm said



    You’re shit outta luck Daffy Duck.

  3. Oh…. crap…

  4. Daywalker said

    I see Kenny is STILL posting under ‘Daywalker’ on his site.
    Dear oh dear… he must really fancy me 😆

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