BigDummyKenny

No Something. No Another Thing. No Something Else.

moRonru – Eating in Thailand

Posted by BigDummyKenny on March 22, 2010

When you go to an exotic new country, one of the best parts of the experience can be sampling new taste sensations at the local restaurants.

Nobody's offended if you bring this to the dining table

Thailand is no exception.

Spices Growing In Thailand Are Naturally Spicy...Usually

Thai food is typically naturally spicy. It grows in the ground and on the trees that way. Even the farm animals are naturally spicy. Then the Thais do something some people might think is rude – they add more herbs and spices. This is for a few reasons. Spicy foods taste spicy. If you like spicy food you add more and more spice. Is a chili pepper a spice? I don’t know, but Thais like spices so much they named clubs in Bangkok Spice and Spicy. This is not rude. Nobody is offended.

Many of us from major western cities bla-bla-bla. Still, bla-bla, bla-bla-blah! There are several differences. They are called cultural differences. You will see many of these because Thailand has a different culture from yours. Unless you are Thai, then you will usually see no cultural differences.

The first major difference that you will notice is that there is no knife on your place setting. Instead you get a spoon! There are several reasons for this.

No Need To Use Utensils - Dig Right In With Your Hands!

This goes back to ancient Buddhist customs where it was found that eating directly from the knife could cut the mouth, so instead everyone now uses a spoon because the forging process necessary to make forks had not been invented yet and Buddhist customs also associated forks with something else offensive but I don’t remember what. Another big difference is that Thais rarely eat alone and everyone shares each others plates of food. Nobody is offended if you just walk up to the table, sit down in an empty chair and start eating their food. Even if you don’t know anyone at the table but are just hungry. Next time you visit Thailand try it for yourself. I recommend you go to one of the many 5-star hotels on Sukyvits Road where you are sure to make an acquaintance with hi-so Thais. For an experience you are sure to remember, next time you are thirsty in Thailand and it is late at night, look for a group of motorcycle drivers sitting around drinking whiskey or beer. Grab the bottle and drink from it. The memory of the night will last a lifetime!

But most likely the reason there is no knife is that they have been taken to Pattaya to hold up the next farang at knifepoint. This is not unusual and the Thais are not offended.

Mmmmmmm - Yummy...If Your Food Doesn't Look Good - Take Someone Elses

Almost all Thai meals are served with a plate of rice. Even if you don’t order it.

Soup also comes with every meal. Even if you don’t order it.

So does water and many other things.

Usually.

But not always.

Thais eat many smaller meals during the course of the day instead of a few large meals. It is part of Thai culture.

This is how Thais look at meals: Fast in – fast out. Can you imagine how cramped their legs would get if they had to squat over the can for half an hour after eating a western style meal?

Every course brought to you will provide you with the power to bullshit. Really! You’ll be shitting like a bull if you don’t regularly eat spicy food.

An Elephant Shitting Like A Bull After Eating A Thai Meal - No Bulls Were Offended

Curry is used in many Thai dishes but in a different way than you will be used to if you associate it with Indian food.

Indian curries burn your mouth so you can’t taste what type of animal they threw into the mix. Thai curries burn hotter faster because it’s part of an ancient Chinese secret on how to burn your mouth hotter and faster. This goes back to the Chinese eating dog and cat and you certainly don’t want to taste dog or cat in your food when it is your food! Thailand can trace much of it’s culture back to the Chinese. They don’t have those cultural ties in India. Unless you’re talking about religion. Then there are many ties back to India. But they cut all other Thai ties back to India after they Thaied Indian curry (Did you catch that? It’s called a double-entendre. I am so clever. 😉 ).

This also explains why in Thailand there’s alot of ginseng in the food, because of the Thai back to the Chinese roots. Ask anyone and they will tell you, the most popular root for cooking in China is ginseng. Thais also use ginseng in their food. Usually. But not always.

A typical Thai meal incorporates many different courses including, rice, kibbles, bits, tidbits, soups, salads, rice and seafood.

Thai Kibbles and Tidbits

Dessert may be sweeter than you’ve tasted back in the west so be warned that even with smaller portions you’ll still pack on the pounds. It’s true. You can tell the Thais that like large dessert portions from those who don’t. Just look for the fat Thais. They are the ones who eat large dessert portions.

Remember that Thais don’t differentiate between daytime or nighttime, indoors or outdoors or between Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner for that matter. So you will not find the wide variety of breakfast foods that you will in most places.

A Few Things That Come With Your Food. Usually - But Not Always.

There are tons of restaurants that cater to foreigners that have excellent breakfast food and buffets. So next time you’re in any village in Amnat Charoen or Sisaket be sure to ask for an authentic english breakfast complete with black pudding and watch the delightful smiles and looks you get from the Thais as they laugh and respond by saying ลา โง่. Good times are sure to follow.

It is not unusual for Thai restaurants to serve food as it is ready. It is also not unusual for Thai restaurants to serve food when it is not ready. So It is not considered rude to begin your meal when your food arrives. Since everyone is sharing food, it’s not considered rude to eat the first food that arrives at the table. This is not uncommon and not considered rude to eat when the first plate arrives.

Many places you eat will not offer real napkins or paper towels. Instead, they bring you toilet tissue. Again, don’t be offended by this. It is just part of the course and you will find it also tastes spicy as you attempt to wipe the bloody and swollen orifice that was once your mouth. The tissues will come in handy sooner than you think. Take plenty extra. You will need it. You will also notice that after a meal, most Thais get up and go to the rest room and wash their hands. This is not considered rude either. Unlike other countries, where washing your hands after a meal is not only unusual but also considered rude.

Most Toilet Paper On Dining Tables Have Not Been The Bathroom - Usually - But Not Always

Even With Beer Toilet Paper Is Readily Available For Any Nasty Cleanup Duty

Tipping is not considered necessary but is VERY appreciated. Remember that in Asia the concept of face is very important. You can never gain enough face. Plus you never know when someone serving you a meal in a small restaurant today will be someone of great importance tomorrow. The more you tip the more face you will gain.

Some people would consider this a bribe but bribing is part of Asian culture and is not considered rude. So tip as much as you can afford. I know many who read this will disagree but if you have a great meal and you had good service, give a nice tip to your waiter. To do this, you place the tip outside the bin. If you place the tip inside, it is shared with the entire staff or goes to the owner. If you want to tip your waiter, pay your bin and then separately throw their tip on the floor and loudly yell, bo-ree-gahn mai dee! This is not considered rude. Do this every time you come back to the restaurant and notice how each time you get more and more attention. They will most definitely remember your face for a long time.

Chok dee!
moRonru

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16 Responses to “moRonru – Eating in Thailand”

  1. RealDaffyDuck said

    These are really good pieces of advice – ronru sure needs them, and I certainly hope he takes them to heart.

    Excellent exposé, as always. Do you have any pictures to accompany it?

  2. BigDummyKenny said

    @ RealDaffyDuck – I’m sure that moRonru will send me the photos to include in the post soon.

    Nice to see him get in the BigDummyKenny spirit and submit a nice parody piece.

    BigDummy

  3. Big Black Gulliver said

    Hilarious! I need to watch how this plays out to understand the dynamics when the parody site is not only funny but more informative than the original! I go to bigdummy first and then to fatdummy to understand the “intended” topic! Professor Kenny Ng I hope your attorney can fight off CSUN HR and you site continues…..I really do! Your an idiot, wrong on most counts and don’t even like pussy but you would be sorely missed for entertainment value! This is better than Drudge Report vs. Drudge Retort.

  4. 2 Cool 4 Words said

    Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

  5. ronru said

    Good work 🙂
    Tres bon

  6. adman said

    A comment about the “tissue paper”. I was at a Thai restaurant last night.

    There was no toilet paper in the restroom so I took some from the table.

    I can confirm what BigDummyKenny stated in this write up: Nobody was offended.

    Thanks for expert international cultural advice BigDummyKenny! 😉

  7. Werewolf said

    I’m now totally confused about what I read on the two Big____Kenny sites. Sometime yesterday (or maybe this morning) I read a post on BigBabyKenny.com about a post that he seemed to be saying that he copied from BigDummyKenny.com. At the top of that post I thought he said that the blog had been posted, then deleted from the BDK site.

    After reading the initial paragraphs of the BBK post I skimmed the balance of the content.

    This evening I saw the same blog (this one) here on BDK, but it had different pictures than I remembered seeing on the BBK site.

    I read this blog from the end to the beginning (which made it slightly more amusing).

    After that, I went to the BBK site again looking for the copy of this blog that I read before. I found it, but I couldn’t find the introductory paragraph that talked about the BDK site posting then deleting the blog.

    So, I can’t figure out if I’m getting early-onset Alzheimer’s disease, if the two sites are actually the same site, or if perhaps BabyKenny has been censoring (changing) his own posts, which seems too unbelievable to be the case.

    It must be Alzheimer’s…

    What was I saying?

    • “… but I couldn’t find the introductory paragraph that talked about the BDK site posting then deleting the blog…”

      Maybe that’s because the BigDummy post was never deleted to begin with, and Kenny finally realized that.

      Also, initially Kenny copied the post from BigDummy, and added a picture of his own to it (the original BigDummy post was picture-less).

      “So, I can’t figure out if I’m getting early-onset Alzheimer’s disease, if the two sites are actually the same site, or if perhaps BabyKenny has been censoring (changing) his own posts, which seems too unbelievable to be the case.”

      Why would this seem unbelievable? Kenny has no trouble censoring other comments, or even posting comments under other people’s names, so doing some ‘editing’ on his own, to cover up having screwed up initially, is not out of character.

      He’s your friend, so why don’t you ask him, and clue us in?

  8. All I know for sure is that Kenny continues to steal content from this site, without having a license to do so. At one point, this will end badly.

  9. BigDummyKenny said

    @ Werewolf – You’re not losing it yet. As RDD said, nothing has been deleted. moRonru provided the photos later and they were added to the post.

    Maybe seeing the post with the photos confused Kenny and he thought the old post was deleted? BigDummyKenny.com is the only website where you will find No Something. No Another Thing. No Something Else. This clearly falls under No Another Thing. Therefore, it never happened.

    Let me add that I believe a better indication of Alzheimer’s is waking up in the morning and not remembering if you went to sleep alone or knowing who the person is next to you 🙂

    BigDummy

  10. Werewolf said

    Ah! That’s not Alzheimer’s… that’s Bangkok!! 🙂

  11. slam dunk said

    Haha! Nice spoof piece.

    I shouldn’t have stayed away from BBK.COM so long. I would have found this site sooner.

  12. Purple Sky said

    Just a tip for the fan of vegetable juices:

    At Carrefour, you can take a bag of carrots, for instance, have them weighted and priced, and then go to the girl with the juice extractor…
    She will peeled and cleaned the carrots for you, make juice from them, poured it in a bag which she will insert into the priced bag. So it costs the same as buying plain uncleaned carrots…
    Great deal.
    And you can do it with other vegetables and roots. I’ve done it with ginger. Perfect after a night of clubbing, to clear one’s throat!
    You’re welcome.

    • SBDOTKU said

      So, just to make sure, I see that you said that they put the juice in a bag, but I saw no mention of them giving you A STRAW as well. Has something gone wrong in the Thai universe? Or did you just omit that point?

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