BigDummyKenny

No Something. No Another Thing. No Something Else.

BarRaider: But My Thai Girl Is Different – Conclusion

Posted by BigDummyKenny on March 28, 2011

What is comes down to is this guys: Be aware of the signs and don’t be surprised if your girl isn’t at all different. Don’t be in denial and act all surprised if she is more interested in your bank account than she is you! If every time she calls she somehow works needing money into the conversation and you’re already giving her money, she isn’t different. If she doesn’t seem to want to spend her free time with you she isn’t different. Open your eyes to the facts and the reality of the situation and then plan.

Yep, that’s right, plan.

Plan to get yourself out of the situations with the minimal amount of drama and financial impact to you and your girl (and some people say I’m not sensitive) and save your peace of mind. It doesn’t take much thought to come up with a reasonable plan. It can be something as simple as telling her you’re tired of her and you’ll give her one month of pay but don’t want to see her any more. For the rest of you feel free to come up with a more creative excuse. But plan and follow through.

Then it’s as simple as talking to her. What has worked for me is to make it about the same time I usually give her money (or before she usually asks for money). Do that and you’ll be in good shape. Don’t worry about her! She’ll find another guy. Many times she’ll already have another guy.

Is that it? Probably not. Since she really is not different, like many Thai girls, she’ll most likely not make the effort right away to set out to find another sucker, I mean, guy. So there’s a good chance she’ll call you unless you make it clear you don’t want to talk to her for a couple months.

That’s usually all it takes. Unless you’ve run across a psycho or you’ve been throwing huge amounts of money at her she’s happy, because she’s got her money for the next month and gets to spend her time with family, boyfriend or to do whatever.

So read the stories on the blogs and forums linked and you’ll pick up on common things that is the big ass red light flashing in your face. If you choose to close your eyes and ignore what you see then have consolation that you’ll have something to talk about when you meet up with your buddies at the pub after things go tits up. Would you stay in a burning building if you could see and smell the smoke and hear the alarm?!? What the hell?

It’s that type of guy who winds up as just another EBAM that some Thai girls think is just another stupid farang. It doesn’t need to be that way. I can only think of a handful of instances where the Thai girl is smarter than the western guy she’s dating. I’m not saying the Thai girls aren’t clever, they are. But very seldom is the girl smarter and it doesn’t take much thought or investigation to find out the real deal about your girl if you really want.

As far as you guys who only go out with venue girls, BangkokMilkshakes’ tip in the comments on part 2 is a good one: Don’t get into a long term relationship with a prostitute. There are many other places where you can find a damn fine Thai girl who wants a western guy.

The statistics tell the tale. If you do start dating one of these girls there’s an 80% chance she’s not into the relationship for the reasons you believe. If you’re one of those guys in such a relationship and that voice keeps talking, check this article on Rick’s East Asia Blog

For the rest of you guys who have been smart enough to steer clear of these girls, you might have a buddy who isn’t so smart, send him an e-mail with some of the links. There’s plenty of stuff out there and it might open your buddy’s eyes to reality. We’ll all thank you while we’re trying to enjoy our drinks and watch the world go by at our favorite beer bar.

(Part 1 Here)
(Part 2 Here)
(Part 3 Here)

Advertisements

27 Responses to “BarRaider: But My Thai Girl Is Different – Conclusion”

  1. “For the rest of you guys who have been smart enough to steer clear of these girls, you might have a buddy who isn’t so smart, send him an e-mail with some of the links.”

    Doesn’t always work 😉

    • BarRaider said

      That’s right. I think I said in Part 1 that some guys are gonna learn the hard way. Doesn’t matter what you tell these fools. But you never know who will or won’t listen. Maybe if they hear it from enough people the light bulb will turn on. Right?

  2. SiamRick said

    Hello lads and Bigdummykenny.

    Thanks very much for the linkage here and on the front page 🙂

    The best that one can hope for when guys read articles like these is that they will help you get out of trouble sooner. I know I had to personally experience some of the hardships that go along with Thai bar girl relationships; the lessons stick better. Still, if it weren’t for personal submissions like these and at Stickman, I would have sunk without trace years ago. Or if I’d got somewhat lucky, managed to drag my sorry ass back home with some dignity and cash left.

    Now I am retired and a resident of Thailand. But as the days and months go by, my interest in the bar scene for its girl supply is fading away. I’m tired of it and the complete predictability of its participants. A lady friend of mine, who’s a pretty smart cookie and is married to a farang friend, last night tried to discourage me from looking for an Isaan GF. It’s 100% all about the money and has been for longer than 10 years. OK, nothing’s ever 100%; maybe 97%. She was pretty adamant about her viewpoint, and she’s from Isaan. And, based on my recent experience, which is substantial, I would have to say there is an extremely low prospect of finding a GF who actually likes you. You’d have to be pretty jai dee. Still, it’s All About the Money.

    So what to do? I’m interested in a long-term GF. It seems the only way to crack into that vast non-bar girl resource is to learn the Thai language, like several friends have done and done remarkably well, too. I’m working on that goal.

    PS Who the heck is (the original) Kenny? 😉

    • RealDaffyDuck said

      Kenny who?

    • Daywalker said

      Wasn’t he something to do with a blog?

    • RealDaffyDuck said

      Naaaaw, I think he’s that South Park kid that always gets killed in every episode, right?

    • BigDummyKenny said

      @ SiamRick – Thank Raider for the add and links. He brought your site to my attention in the links he submitted in his post.

      To answer your question, everyone around here knows that http://www.BigDummyKenny.com was started first 😉 as a parody site of a fictional character. This fictional character, Kenny, was a envisioned as a social outcast who could never get any facts straight. An economics teacher at a satellite campus of a large State college system, he was always trying to gain acceptance with his peers. In an effort to gain this social acceptance, he would frequently exaggerate his own observations and self importance. Applying his misguided opinions and erroneous conclusions to the mundane and ordinary. This self-proclaimed expert would often quote or reference his own materials as proof of his expertise on all subjects and our fictional character even had his own lexicon to further his self imagine as an expert and an assortment of sockpuppets to create his own “rock star” status.

      He was a legend in his own mind.

      Well you can guess our surprise and shock when we discovered that Kenny wasn’t just a fiction of our imagination. To discover a real life character who is nearly identical to our fictional Kenny was beyond our wildest imagination.

      We were caught in quite a conundrum. What else could we do but run with it.

      Thanks for sharing and good luck with learning Thai.

      BDK

    • SBDOTKU said

      @SiamRick,

      Give Pimsleur Thai (full set, not the abbreviated 10 CD set). I’ve used it for a while and it does a good job of teaching some good basics.

      Laeo, khun poot pasa Thai nit noi, krap!

  3. Big Black Gulliver said

    Damn….I’m all the way in Ohio and felt that bitch slap some guy got on Saphan Loy

    http://saphanloy.wordpress.com/

    Dat boyz pimp hand is strong Dawg!

  4. lach said

    raider – great article – u tell it the way it is. i have been throught the bargirl syndrome also and your advice is spot on. i have already sent links to this article to several mates who have issues!!!!

    i have used the services of http://www.thaieternity.com which is run out of bangkok and am now in a stable relationship with a good thai girl and geez what a difference to the crap i put up with from my previous BG girlfriends. it cost me about $500 all up (the way i saw it is i have spent this much out on the town in 1 night with my past BG’s and their hang on friends) and i met several great girls and clicked with one in particular. the best thing about this service is that all the girls are carefully screened and they dont accept girls with any adult industry experience!!!!

    anyway the difference beuween good and bad thai girls is light years apart!!!!

    • RealDaffyDuck said

      Great to hear, and congratulations!

      Would you mind sharing a bit about your experiences – particularly about the process with the dating agency you picked, and how your journey of discovery went?

      I think that might make for some fascinating reading.

  5. SiamRick said

    OK, thanks Raider!

    And thanks SBDOTKU for Pimsleur tip and BDK for the backgrounder.

    I strongly second RealDaffyDuck’s recommendation to Lach to give us an insight into an agency’s methods. I’d especially like to get an idea of the level of English among the candidates you met. I think that there are many girls in the normal Thai channels who have some English but they are very shy to speak it. They’re the ones who run away from the counter when a farang arrives to buy/ask questions. With my limited Thai and their same same English, much fun could be had 😉

  6. lach said

    RDD – i have written a few articles in my time so i will write up my agency experience and submit it to this website. Long and short of it is that many of the good girls dont speak much english and are very shy when u first meet – this is where the agency helped in that they asisted both the girls and myself in our initial email converstaions and they actually came along for the first 20 minutes on the first dates to make sure we were all at ease (we initially met at a coffee shop at emporium and then went to catch a movie as an ice breaker first date)and this was a big help in getting both of us relaxed. they also gave me a list of basic thai words and phrases and i can tell u the girls really appreciated the fact that i was making an effort to learn the language and culture. Jeab who runs the agency is a real gem and has great english and a good understanding of western culture. I still catch up with jeab on msn regularly for a chat on how my relationship is going and she also speaks with my girlfriend.

    The long and the short is that there is a huge difference between the bar girls etc and the normal thai girls. I cant believe i wasted so much time and money chasing bar girls (although i had plenty of good and bad sex along the way) when in reality i was just kidding myself all along that there was a chance of a relationship – when in fact there was no chance at all. On the other hand i am now in a real relationship and feeling truly alive for the first time in a long time (i have even cut down on the grog, hit the exercise and dropped my body mass index back to 26).

    The last point i would like to make is that i didnt think i was the type of guy that would use an “agency” – i am 40, in good shape, etc and could still tag and release farang women – but the issue is that in thailand i found it very hard to meet normal thai girls – yes i could say hello to them at a disco in rca etc but to actually meet them 1 on 1 as a date was tough. So i thought what the hell contacted the agency after i heard about them through another expat and took the attitude nothing ventured nothing gained!!!!

  7. SBDOTKU said

    @Lach

    Yes please give us some insight into that experience. I think most of here have had a “raider” experience or two. But who hasn’t seen some stunning “good girl” and wanted to meet her?

    Personally I am enjoying letting my libido run wild and free so may not be looking for a permanent girl (unless she is up for allowing me to continue to run free. Somehow I doubt it. 😉 But others may be very interested.

  8. lach said

    i have sent a brief article via email with my story so far

  9. MongerSEA said

    If you want to meet “normal” Thai women, first learn to speak Thai and then go out in public in Thailand. Everything else is a cop-out. The notion that a girl is “good” just because you can pick her out of a catalog is rubbish; these agencies don’t vet the girls in any particular depth because they have a vested interest in keeping a deep inventory.

    And given the lack of a common language, the relationship failure rate is probably worse than if you just shack up with a hooker. Parroting phrasebook nonsense at each other whilst exchanging longing looks is infantile, and speaks mostly to a needy and fetishistic mind-set.

    Nothing in the dating service approach in any way sets aside the core imperative of the Thai female: find man, get money, help family.

    • “Nothing in the dating service approach in any way sets aside the core imperative of the Thai female: find man, get money, help family.”

      Yet, would that not be the ‘core imperative’ of the Thai female from a particular demographic, specifically, the poorer sub-urban and non-industrial hinterlands — which invariably seem to be the girls the traveling farang and the self-important expats seem to seek out and hook up with.

      Do you actually claim that there is no exception to your descriptive – that there aren’t girls from regular working class backgrounds, or middle-class backgrounds, that are more stable (I am deliberately leaving out the trainwrecks from the Hi-So backgrounds)? Are there honestly no exceptions?

    • MongerSEA said

      Shall we reframe the “Bigger Better Deal” as a family enterprise? The Thai female is still being pimped upwards into higher social strata at most every opportunity. Very few marry down. The Isaan and poor urban families residing on the lowest rungs look to finances; money begets bling which in that no-face bracket is the great differentiator. Among the upper crust, pushing a daughter into the path of a scion with prospects both social and financial is high art.

    • Big Black Gulliver said

      Agree 100% with Monger SEA. These catalog marriages fail at higher rate than in the west.

      If you want a mail order bride you best bet is the Philippines or Bali.

    • SBDOTKU said

      @MongerSEA

      You say: “a needy and fetishistic mind-set” like it’s a bad thing.

  10. SiamRick said

    If you want to meet “normal” Thai women, first learn to speak Thai and then go out in public in Thailand. Everything else is a cop-out.

    Can’t really dispute MongerSEA here. It’s my goal to get enough Thai language in me to create a foundation to build upon. This would make it so much easier to strike up a conversation with girls with a low to non-mercenary agenda. Who knows, even meet a “normal” girl, if there’s such a thing. From that, all things follow. Or not. But one needs to keep trying. Thai girls, no matter their status, do appreciate your trying to speak the language and it can lead to a fun conversation as you stumble along.

    I’m still interested reading Lach’s views of agency practices and results.

  11. adman said

    Siam Rick. Learning Thai takes time and practice. Practice is something many guys who live outside the country (like me) don’t have the opportunity to do.

    I keep in touch with a couple girls, but they are office girls and have good English they are keen on improving.

    Seems that for us living outside the country the better option is to steer clear of these long distance relationships unless the girl really shows interest and communication is not an issue.

    • SiamRick said

      Learning does take a lot of time. You have to live in Thailand and outside the tourist channels to really advance. So yeah, you’re right about those who don’t live here because you don’t hear the language every waking moment. But then if you do live here, you have to work at it. Really work at it. You have to listen, listen, listen. Then you have to make mental and digital notes, ask questions, say it and listen some more.

      As for long-distance relationships, I doubt many work out. First of all, if you’re not here, who else is she courting? Or being courted by? Remember: Thai girls live for the present. Even if she waits for you, you’re a backup plan. I am restricting my views to the (massively huge) bar girl segment. I have almost no experience with so-called regular girls since I cannot speak the language much.

  12. BarRaider said

    It takes a shitload of time. Here’s how I was able to fast track it: take a class and have a thai girl move in with you if you can tolerate it. Yea, I know. It will cramp the lifestyle for those of you who want to monger. WTF is more important? It doesn’t need to be a long term arrangement. Benefit is when she has friends over you’ll pick up things to supplement what you learnt in class.

  13. Union Jack said

    Steer well away from the gogo girls for long term relationships. Especially those girls that say they’ve only been working in the bar a couple months and don’t have a Thai boyfriend. They almost all have Thai boyfriends.

    The BarRaider knows about what he speaks.

    • ASTTRU said

      I think some of those girls are worth a shot if 1) you’re not twice their age and 2) they aren’t there for their own material gains.

      A few girls are there to help their parents and want to send money home. They won’t ask you to take them out drinking or to buy them gold, a cellphone, x-box (daffy’s favorite – wink) or any other goodies.

      Here’s something to try. If you see a girl you really like don’t bar fine her. Talk to her a few times and see if she will agree to giving you her phone number and meeting you some afternoon. Been out with a few this way and there are some real sweeties out there. They are the minority though. A very small minority.

    • ” x-box (daffy’s favorite – wink) ”

      ROTFLOL!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s