BigDummyKenny

No Something. No Another Thing. No Something Else.

BigBlackGulliver: Laos Business Adventure (Part 5) – Karaoke, Mekong River Madness & Jail Time

Posted by BigDummyKenny on September 7, 2011

[This is the last part of BigBlackGulliver’s Laos Business Adventure. You can read part 1 here – BDK]

We had two nights planned in Vientiane with a short manufacturing plant visit, the only time we needed to be sober and fresh to discuss any business related transactions that didn’t involve hookers.

We couldn’t even get that right.

We never made it to the plant visit and my customer only got back home from Laos three weeks ago.

We crossed the border and checked into our hotel.  The Riverside Hotel was great, overlooking the Mekong River and a very short walk to some of the local action.

Before hitting the fun places we grab some lunch on the river where my customer proceeds to verbally assault a gay sex tourist with his young friend having a romantic lunch on the river.

After that exciting lunch we hit our first stop,  Red Mekong for some drinks. Unfortunately the drinking begins at 1400 and the result 16 hours later will be devastating.  Red Mekong has great food, cheap drinks and around 8 – 9 pm you will get around 10 to 15 local Lao Freelancers who wander in to see if there is anything they are interested in.

Some will disagree but Vientiane is a seller’s market not a buyer’s market. Most of the girls that are good looking have options, namely young guys who will occasionally take them to the hotel or their place and spend too much money on them. Vientiane is fun because its different not because the choices are better or cheaper. They are actually the opposite. If you want cheaper nowhere beats Pattaya and if you want better nothing is better than Bangkok.

My customer decides he wants a blowjob in the toilet at Red Mekong. (500 Baht) Who am I to say no, he heads in and I listen (barely) to some Lao guys playing pool debate whether they shake him down for what he is doing. They look like off-duty police and are out of uniform playing pool and drinking with some of the worst hookers I have ever seen in a long time (minus the one in the toilet) I also watch some movie with John Malkovich where he keeps helping some young boy in occupied Hong Kong???

He finally escapes the toilet after nearly 30 minutes and I already feel the beer buzz hitting me at 4:00 p.m. after 4 Big Beer Laos.

Memories of stumbling out of The Big Mango and grabbing the first hag at Hillary Bar after those cheap Tiger Drafts come to mind………..they serve waaayyyyy too early in the day.

We move on without further incident to our next stop.

Down the street from Red Mekong is a great little massage joint called GQ Bar and Massage. They had 6 young girls working along with two bi-pedal tubs of goo.

I picked out two girls and headed up leaving my customer downstairs. I’ll spare the details other than to say they rubbed, sucked and fucked their way to a payment of 2000 Baht each. Yea I know! To the right is a picture to help you find the place.

One girl let me take her picture on my phone, the other girl wanted no part of it.
Tall, white skin and a killer Lisa Marie Presley nose. The minimum spec you should get for a 2000 Baht 2 hour massage.

Right at dusk we hit this Karaoke joint up and the fun really begins for the night. This is the last “live” picture for the evening. The other pictures I took the next few days while waiting for the Lao Police to “find” my customer.

There were maybe twenty young girls in this place. I would say that 50% are under the age of 18 but I would just be guessing.  They are all available to leave and go back to your hotel by paying the bar 1000 Baht or spending the same on drinks. By the time we leave this place I am hammered already.

My customer informs me that he had some back pain after the tuk-tuk ride from the border and took two 5mg of tabs morphine at the hotel before we headed out. I know now that he is a dead man walking.

I tell him we should just head back to the hotel and hit it again tomorrow. He is having none of this and we head off to the next stop.

The Music House Pub had a good band and was loaded with young tourists.

On any other night I would have stayed but at this point wasn’t in the mood for loud music.

Next stop Bor Pen Nyang. This bar is my favorite place in Laos.   Good food, great view of the river and last but not least hookers. I have never been quoted a price less than 1500 Baht with 2000 Baht being the norm.

A four story joint empty on some nights and loaded with freelancers on others.  At night time it’s hard to find and you can walk past the entrance without realizing it’s there.
Head to the top floor around 11:00 p.m. and grab a seat. The worst that can happen is you enjoy a few drinks passing your time looking at the mighty Mekong. The best that can happen is you find a nice slim Lao girl who wants to go drink and end up back at your hotel to earn a little extra scratch for the evening.

I found my girl there and the three of us head to the Don Hotel and their famous disco.

I once again offer to drop my customer off at the hotel and once again he declines with a somewhat violent answer. This is the last time I will see him again………..walking in the Don hotel at around 1:00 a.m.

My girl and I walk in and after 30 minutes I tell her that I need to leave and that I want to head back to the hotel. If she wants to stay no problem, have fun. Rather than miss a payday with a half in the bag tourist, she leaves with me.

I look for my guy but he is nowhere to be seen. I actually walk out of the hotel without paying my tab to give you an idea how bad off I am at this point. SECU kindly takes me back in to pay my bill.

On the way back to the hotel we stop at a little place right across the street from the Don for something to eat.

At 1:30 a.m. it’s loaded with young Lao girls either waiting for customers to come out of the hotel, waiting to go dancing or those girls that have already left. I never did find out, but some advice would be to skip the hotel disco and head directly to this place. There wasn’t another guy in sight and the place was packed with girls eating at tables.

The next morning I wake up send my girl home on a motorbike and grab some breakfast.

At 10:00 a.m. no customer, no answer on the mobile phone and after some assistance from the manager no passed out drunk sleeping it off in his room. Needless to say we missed our plant tour.

I spend the day site seeing around the city and do the same routine the next morning. At this point I need to call the police and file a report that he is now missing. I really don’t want to do this which is why I waited a day. It sounds shitty but Laos isn’t the place to own up to your missing friend doing something really stupid…..including dying somehow.

I learned just last week from the police and a very helpful Thai Lawyer hired by his family that the story involves a lost passport that he apparently threw in the Mekong River on his own and a smashed window at one of the government buildings that is very near the Riverside Hotel.

It seems that he was able to make it back to the riverfront area but in a fit of drunken rage threw a concrete stool through a plate glass door because the hotel wouldn’t let him in. It wasn’t the hotel but some river authority building that was near the hotel. He was so drunk that he confused the two buildings and was angry because he wanted to go to sleep and the “hotel” wouldn’t let him in. Punching the Laos Cop that came to the building didn’t help his case either!

I won’t mention the name but there was a certain Thailand based Visa Run Service that seriously helped him out. This Thailand based Visa Service is of course run by a Farang from Germany and his Thai Wife. They connected his family with a Thai Lawyer that helped him out of his situation. I have no idea what it cost him but I’m sure it wasn’t cheap.

Turns out he blames me for his situation and won’t return my phone calls.

The sad, sick and twisted part is that my time spent with him in Thailand doesn’t even come close to making my top 10 list living here and dealing with my fellow foreigners.

Oy Vey!
BBG

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10 Responses to “BigBlackGulliver: Laos Business Adventure (Part 5) – Karaoke, Mekong River Madness & Jail Time”

  1. Graham said

    Ha. Great stuff. I’d say you are to blame also!

    A couple of weeks ago, my pals car was parked outside the office in a carpark in Dubai. At 8am, an Emirate fell asleep at the wheel of his car (it was Ramadan) and careered off the road, over the sidewalk and into my pals car.

    My pal, who was working at his desk 10 floors up was eventually, arrested, drivers license taken away (for a month) and had to pay the damages (insurance).

    At least you got to take part in the mischief of your customers stay!!

    • Wait – your buddy’s car was parked, unattended, in a car park, and some local was asleep at the wheel, and drove right into your buddy’s parked car?

      Yet, your buddy was found guilty? Of what?

      Damn idiots!

  2. Graham said

    Being a visitor to their Country. If he wasn’t visiting… then the Emirate would not have crashed into him. Thus, the ‘visitors’ fault!

  3. BigDummyKenny said

    @BBG – It was in the middle of March you hinted your customer was in deep trouble and you’re telling us it was just last month he was able to get out of Laos.

    So he spent approximately 5 months in jail?

    Can’t imagine your top 10 stories if this doesn’t crack that list.

    BDK

  4. Yes, he spent a few months in a Laos Jail.

    An Arab guy with no passport and no money who broke into a government building in a communist run country.

    Doesn’t sound good does it?

    It would make my top ten if I was there or had spent some jail time.

  5. juggler said

    gulliver – you so full of shit – pampers can’t keep up wid you.

    dafny – nothing to say about your pur goatness

    chok dee

    sorry for my twatness 🙂

  6. Unusual for business travel to involve drinking, working girls and legal matters but not quite like this.

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