BarRaider: But My Thai Girl Is Different – Part 1of3

I’ve seen quite a few of my countrymen’s carcasses along the roadside during my time in Thailand. Many with their heart ripped out of their chest. Nasty mess. Others with their finances in ruin. The rest? Unmotivated shadows of their former selves, drinking to near unconsciousness each day. You might know one of these guys. YOU might be one of these guys heading down the same road. I recall those that I’ve known over the years and many of them…correction, almost all of them, told me at least one time, “my girl is different”. Miserable dolts. I get tired of hearing the self-denial when things aren’t going well. So if you know one of these guys (or are one of these guys) pull up a chair.

These guys come from all over the world to Thailand. But you know their journey really doesn’t start until they get here and it usually starts from the same type of venue. Whether it’s a massage joint on Ratchada, a gogo bar on Soi Cowboy or a g-club away from the tourist areas, the destination for many of these guys will be the same emotional and financial hell hole. During at least one point during their journey you’ll hear them say, “but my girl is different”. I’m writing this post for you guys. Not that I”m some SBDOTKU (Supreme Benevolent Dictator of the Known Universe), but because I’m tired of hearing about your Thai bar girl problems and the bitching and moaning that you didn’t know how things work here when you find out about the Thai boyfriend or gazillion other sponsors in her life. After reading some of the the comments in Visa Run’s “Ho Hum High Season” post and the posts by SBDOTKU and BigBlackGulliver I decided to get off my ass do something productive today.

So let’s get to it. This is going to be a bit of a challenge for some of you. Are you up to it? It may set your world upside down. The upside is that like those friends of mine who’ve listened, you won’t be bitching about Thai girls at Big Dogs every weekend for months on end.

First off get over your western mindset that prostitution is so terrible. Mandatory reading for guys coming to Thailand, Laos and Cambodia should be understanding the Buddhist mindset on interacting with society in general and specific professions like prostitution. Now I could provide many links for you to get some basic info, but this one from the Buddhist Council in Australia will do:

http://www.wa.buddhistcouncil.org.au/home/submission-to-ag-regarding-prostitution-law-reform/

“From the Buddhist scriptures we know the Buddha did not look down upon any class or type of person. At one time he accepted an invitation from Ambapali, a prostitute, for a luncheon for the Buddha and his monks and nuns. In this canonical story, the Buddha is famously remembered for accepting this invitation even though he was pressed by members of a royal family to forgo her invitation.

The scriptures are more than two and half thousand years old and Buddhists accept that prostitution exists in society. We believe that decriminalization of prostitution will be beneficial to both prostitutes and the general public. Some of the potential benefits would be reduction of violence and exploitation, under-aged prostitution, drug addiction, human trafficking, sexually transmitted diseases and illegal income for criminal elements. It would also give the same entitlements and protection afforded to workers of other industries.”

Got it? It’s accepted and not judged in Buddhism and so it isn’t in Thai culture. You’re not going to change that. So get that out of your mind. Unless your girl really is different her being a prostitute is more your issue than it is hers (and now you know one thing you can ask your sweetie to find out if she’s really different).

Now you can start building a framework for understanding your sweetie’s mind. Are you following? What she is doing is a job, nothing more, nothing less. She could just as easily be standing behind one of the phone stalls at MBK, but she’s not selling you phones, she’s selling you her time and personal services. Get it?

If you think you’re saving the girl you need an attitude adjustment (and possibly a good kick in the ass). Now do I have your attention? Absorb what was written several years ago from this Big Mango post.

Now it’s time to separate the wallet from the heart. Are you in the relationship because it’s strictly a financial arrangement for services? Good for you. Just keep your heart out of it and realize that she’s living in two worlds: the time she spends with you and the time she spends away from you. Don’t ask her about what she’s doing while she’s not with you. (Heart…wallet…separate – Capisce?) That’s not your business unless she brings it up. Likewise, don’t let her pry into what you’re doing when you’re not with her – that most certainly is not her business. You’re paying the bills, remember? WTF do you want to cross that line for anyway? Understand that’s how things start to get messy. So do yourself a favor, don’t cross that line. I’ve learned this first hand. Other buddies have said the same. If you want to keep it financial and this happens more than a couple times then move on because you won’t like where things end up. She may be the sweetest girl with the hottest ass you’ve seen, but give it a week’s time and you’ll run across someone hotter.

The rest of you are with your girl for love, right? And of course she loves you too much. You think so? Really? Once upon a time I would try to reason with guys like you. But I gave that up long ago. Now when acquaintances talk to me about their Thai girl from one of the “venues” I just hit them with the facts. Your girl is in love with you and you’re paying her to stay with you? How much!?! Really? Well listen up because this will save you considerable grief. The rest of you can tune out, because you’ll learn the hard way. School of hard knocks are all some guys understand it seems. Funny that these guys are usually the ones who complain so bitterly when things go “tits up”.

Should you give her money? Well, it’s reasonable to give the girl some money, even if she’s living with you (If you’ve asked her to live with you and she won’t, that’s a red flag my friend. Why would a girl want to live in her dump apartment instead of your palatial estate, comparatively speaking. Fuck all excuses.). But how much is enough? If you’re in the relationship for love and believe she feels the same? Time to take your balls out of her purse and ask some reasonable questions….

…..in part 2